{"id":906,"date":"2019-03-27T03:20:31","date_gmt":"2019-03-27T03:20:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sportsnewsforyou.com\/?p=906"},"modified":"2019-03-27T03:20:31","modified_gmt":"2019-03-27T03:20:31","slug":"its-always-tomorrow-by-charles-hoffman","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/?p=906","title":{"rendered":"\u201cIt\u2019s Always Tomorrow\u201d by Charles Hoffman"},"content":{"rendered":"

Published on November 26, 1938<\/em><\/p>\n

I will tell you this about September. You can have it. September, I give you. While I\u2019m giving things away, I might as well give you Sam Worthman, and if you get Sam Worthman you also get Magno Studios, thirty-one weeks of mother \u2014 at two grand a week \u2014 and a first option on me. I would like you to have Jerry Morgan, who is our agent, and if you get Jerry, you might as well have Pete Roselli, who handles the publicity. You can have the entire section of Beverly Hills bounded by Santa Monica, Sunset, Doheny and Whittier, and while I\u2019m tossing out land grants, I might as well whip in Malibu, Brentwood, Santa Anita and Arrowhead, reading from left to right. I think you should have the Grove, the Troc, the Derbies, LaMaze and like canteens, caravanserai y posados<\/em>, and as long as I\u2019ve gone this far, I suppose I should toss in a little agenda, including the Bowl, mufflers, Snow White, lunch and the Goodyear blimp.<\/p>\n

I give you lunch advisedly. Everything happens out here over lunch. You dabble with your sole meuni\u00e8re (at the Vendome on Tuesdays. Or is it Thursdays?) and Jerry Morgan sits across from you and tells you that Magno doesn\u2019t want you any more, and that as far as Hollywood is concerned, you might just as well be back on the Orpheum circuit in 1926, following that seal act.<\/p>\n

He doesn\u2019t say it that way, of course (\u201c \u2026 don\u2019t think you\u2019re quite the man for the job. They want \u2014 Well, frankly, old man, they\u2019re putting Mantino on it. Want that Coward touch. We know what we think of Mantino, so I told them that my property was no bootlicker \u2026 \u201d). But it is said, day after day, week after week, year after year, on Vine or on Sunset or on Wilshire, over lettuce salads and over hamburgers and over corn-beef hash and over lobster thermidor. Mantino on the job. Want that Coward touch. And you can\u2019t give it to \u2019em. You haven\u2019t got that thing. You can\u2019t give it that umph.<\/p>\n

That is a tangent, and I didn\u2019t mean to get out on it. But this is my Hollywood story. Every writer writes a Hollywood story. This is not a Hollywood story to end all Hollywood stories, and it may not end even all of mine, so if I get out on a tangent again, overlook it. It\u2019s in my hair. It dances in the lenses of the dark glasses I wear. It pinches my fingers when I put the top down on the car. It\u2019s in the Scotch they offer me, and the rye they offer me, and the martinis-manhattans they offer me on Christmas and Easter and other religious holidays. It\u2019s at the two-dollar windows at Santa Anita and the fifty-dollar windows at Inglewood. It\u2019s in the spare ribs at Chasen\u2019s and the silver furs tossed over chairs at La Conga. It\u2019s in the air, this air that hangs here between the Tehachapis and Catalina, and it\u2019s what makes the place run, and I give it to you.<\/p>\n

It started on the third of September. I was having lunch with Jerry Morgan.<\/p>\n

When we went into the place, I waved to my mother, who was with Danny Ketron, the producer; and my sister Lucille, who was with Craig Seaver, the towhead MGM discovered ushering at a track meet last fall; and my brother Zane, who was with Pierre, the designer; and my father, who was with Stella Moon. We slapped six producers on the back, \u201chi\u201d-d four directors, nodded to two story editors, winked at a makeup girl who had attached herself to an earl, and ordered lunch.<\/p>\n

Jerry said, \u201cThis looks like a field day for the unlimited Lavondars.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cThe first family of the screen? We get around.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s your old man doing with Stella Moon?\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cMaybe he\u2019s found something, I don\u2019t know. She\u2019s looking for a leading man.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then we got to the point. \u201cLook,\u201d I said, \u201cI can\u2019t do it for five hundred, Jerry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey won\u2019t give us a cent more.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cWe have a swimming pool to think of.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow about Lucille?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSix weeks at Warners\u2019,\u201d I said. \u201cBut that was in 1935.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd your brother?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe stood next to a horse in The Plainsman<\/em>. Ten dollars a day. Both days. That paid the light bill.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYour father?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is this?\u201d I asked. \u201cYou ought to know. He had six weeks at Grand. They cut him out with a pair of scissors.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYour mother?\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cJerry. This isn\u2019t today, this is tomorrow. It\u2019s always tomorrow. Yesterday we ate crab Newburg in a fancy place on Sunset, which is today, and tomorrow we go out and eat ice plant, which is also today which is tomorrow. Get it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jerry said, \u201cI\u2019ve heard of whole families getting along on four thousand a month.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJerry, dear,\u201d I said. \u201cThere\u2019s father. There\u2019s mother. There\u2019s Lucille. There\u2019s Zane. Funny thing, they eat. They wear clothes. They turn on lights, and they use water. There\u2019s the swimming pool, and the tennis court, and four cars, and six servants, and eleven rooms, not counting the guest house. There\u2019s a place at Malibu, and the place in the mountains. And then there\u2019s Cousin Harriet in Omaha and her six children, and Aunt Maude in Phoenix and her little brood of five, and mother\u2019s brother Bill in \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cO.K.,\u201d said Jerry, \u201cso what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo I can\u2019t do it for five hundred, Jerry.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jerry said, \u201cThis is a sick world. A sick world.\u201d<\/p>\n

I dropped him off at his office, and went home out Sunset in my yellow roadster. Lucille took Seaver to the studio and doubled back on Santa Monica and turned in the driveway, two minutes after me, in her long gray coupe. Dad left Stella Moon off at her apartment, and whipped out Beverly in his green phaeton. Mother had the town car, and she and Ketron went back to the studio and went over the script for Angel in Distress, while Hans, our chauffeur, stood out in the lot and smoked cigarettes at two hundred a month (not including uniforms).<\/p>\n

\u201cWell?\u201d Lucille asked, as we stood in the driveway.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo soap,\u201d I said. \u201cNot a cent over five hundred. How about you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI sparkled until you could count carats, but it didn\u2019t work. Mentally, Seaver\u2019s still selling programs at the track meet. Besides, they\u2019re going to give him Garbo.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cWho\u2019s she?\u201d<\/p>\n

Father skidded in behind us. He had on a pair of my white shoes, one of Zane\u2019s sport coats, one of mother\u2019s mufflers, and Lucille\u2019s beret.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi, you two!\u201d<\/p>\n

We said, \u201cHi.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, Jake, yes or no?\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cNo. Let\u2019s not stand out here on this big wide driveway.\u201d<\/p>\n

We went in.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s the trouble?\u201d father asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo trouble,\u201d I said. \u201cI\u2019m just not Noel Coward, that\u2019s all. Simple.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIncidentally,\u201d Lucille put in, \u201chow about you and that Moon number?\u201d<\/p>\n

There was a letter on that table in the hall \u2014 the one Haines found for us at Genoa \u2014 and Lucille started to rip it open.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you like it?\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cFidler will get it. That\u2019s something.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s all,\u201d said father.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe wants to do Peter Pan.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cIf she sees fifty again, I\u2019m Seabiscuit.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnyway,\u201d father asked, \u201chow do you think I\u2019d be as Wendy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGuess what?\u201d said Lucille, reading the letter.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo on.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re being augmented.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGo on,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cCousin Harriet\u2019s daughter, Minerva, is \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cThat\u2019s enough. How old is she?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe last time anyone mentioned her, she was five.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen does this thing happen to us?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTomorrow morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy couldn\u2019t I have been born with two heads,\u201d I said, \u201cand just spent my life in a bottle?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat reminds me,\u201d said father, and disappeared.<\/p>\n

I was lying on my stomach on a mattress on the loggia, wondering what Noel Coward had that I et cetera, when Fuzzy turned up. It was ten minutes after three, and he was ten minutes late. Usually he hits three on the dot.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi-ya,\u201d said Fuzzy, \u201cwhere\u2019s Lucille?\u201d<\/p>\n

I was almost afraid to look up, for fear it wouldn\u2019t be there, but it was. The nice white letter on the nice red sweater on the broad chest. \u201cS,\u201d for State. Fuzzy is a letter man. He is big. He has big hands and big feet and a lot of white teeth and his hair is like cotton above his brown forehead, and he is h-e-a-l-t-h personified.<\/p>\n

He is a D. Tau, and he knows a lot about the damndest things, like what Benny Goodman\u2019s drummer\u2019s hometown is, and who ran the 440 for Ohio State in 1928, and what the name of Li\u2019l Abner\u2019s pig is. I, myself, having been born in a trunk backstage in a New Orleans theater one sultry afternoon in 1908 (profile) didn\u2019t get to college, and it is interesting to note from time to time what \u201cthe system\u201d is turning out. I suppose Fuzzy is a product, and Fuzzy may also be indicative of a trend, don\u2019t know. I do know that Fuzzy is lyrical about Lucille \u2014 which is euphonious and which I may try to sell to Sam Worthman \u2014 and also that he gets in her hair just the way Hollywood \u2014<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cShe\u2019s someplace on the acreage.\u201d<\/p>\n

He said, \u201cSay, d\u2019ja hear what Marvin did?\u201d<\/p>\n

I turned over on my back and looked up at the bright California sun through purple glasses. \u201cNo, what did Marvin do?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cKicked ninety-eight yards!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeh! Some kick, eh?\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cBoy, I\u2019ll say.\u201d<\/p>\n

He said, \u201cWell, guess I\u2019ll go find Lucille.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cO.K.\u201d<\/p>\n

I took a deep breath, and closed my eyes, and started to hum I\u2019ll Follow My Secret Heart. Take Gertrude Lawrence, take a Swiss chalet, take that line from Private Lives about the ear trumpet and the shrimps, take \u2014<\/p>\n

Fuzzy stayed for dinner. Remember, this is still the third of September. Mother was in one of her moods, trailing sleeves through things and talking through a lorgnette. Father was a little tight (\u201cSo I said to John Drew \u2014 Jack, I said \u2014 I always called him Jack \u2014 Jack, I said \u2026 \u201d). Lucille was rather pale, and quiet, and once when Fuzzy said, \u201cYou know what that guy Marvin\u2019s got?\u201d (I said, \u201cNo, what has that guy Marvin got?\u201d) and he said, \u201cGuts!\u201d \u2014 she choked on something and had to leave the table for a minute.<\/p>\n

The next morning, we drew straws on Minerva, and I drew the long one and had to meet her. \u201cLook,\u201d I said, \u201cas long as I have a job, and you\u2019re \u2014 well, say \u2018at liberty,\u2019 Lucille, I think you might \u2014 \u201d We were having breakfast. Mother had on a pink neglig\u00e9e and was having hot water and the Hollywood Reporter. Father had on a Chinese dressing gown and was having a sedative and Variety. Lucille had on something blue and fluffy that kept getting in her grapefruit. I had two cups of coffee and a headache (\u201cWhenever spring breaks through again \u2026 \u201d).<\/p>\n

Lucille said, \u201cI can\u2019t, darling. Not possibly. Larue wants me for some fittings, and \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBuying clothes, dear?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, one or two little things.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s lovely. Something for winter?\u201d<\/p>\n

Lucille gave me a look and went back to her grapefruit.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf I may lapse into the pastiche,\u201d I said, \u201cwhat are we going to use for money?\u201d<\/p>\n

Mother said, \u201cJake, please!\u201d<\/p>\n

I looked at her. \u201cHow much longer have you to run?\u201d<\/p>\n

She arched. \u201cThirty-one weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAt two thousand a week,\u201d father put in quickly.<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cThat\u2019s sixty-two thousand dollars.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a lot of money,\u201d said father.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was a lot of money,\u201d I reminded him. \u201cOnly it\u2019s spent. Already.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d said Lucille, \u201cyou can\u2019t expect me to walk down Vine Street naked!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d said mother, \u201cyou certainly can\u2019t!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d father murmured, \u201cof course not. Naked! Most ridiculous thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cOK. OK. OK.\u201d<\/p>\n

Just then Block S came in. \u201cHaving breakfast?\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cWe\u2019re trying to preserve an illusion.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSay,\u201d he said, \u201chear about Marvin? Pretty tough.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cWhat happened to Marvin?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBroke his toe. Last night. His kicking toe.\u201d<\/p>\n

Lucille looked at him, and then at me, and then at her grapefruit, and then she got up and left. And just then I got an inspiration. Fuzzy, Minerva, station. Just like that.<\/p>\n

When I got to the studio I went into the commissary and had a cup of coffee and talked to Witherstein about a treatment he was going to do on Ladies in the Saddle. Then I went up to my office and told Pearl she could go have a cup of coffee, and sat and listened to that buzzing sound you hear up there, and finally went down to Foster\u2019s office and talked about a treatment he was going to do on Mrs. Manners Runs Wild, and went and had a cup of coffee. About one o\u2019clock, Jerry came in and we went over and had a cup of coffee, and at one-thirty I walked into the Vine Street Derby, and was worn out.<\/p>\n

I waved to mother, who was with Toby Forrester, and to Lucille, who was with someone quite short and without any neck, and to father, who was with Eva O\u2019Neil (remember Eva?), and to my brother Zane, who was with Pierre, the designer. I slapped six producers, and so forth, and ordered coffee and a telephone, and relaxed.<\/p>\n

Sam Worthman had \u201cplaned out,\u201d and the studio was tout court<\/em>, so I went home about three o\u2019clock and spread out on my stomach on a mattress on the loggia. I suppose I had been there about half an hour, when this thing floated before my vision.<\/p>\n

I looked up. It had long yellow hair \u2014 not Westmore yellow; more on the sun-on-cornfields side \u2014 and a very red mouth and a little parade of freckles across something that should have been a nose, and it had on a bright green sunsuit and little green sandals.<\/p>\n

\u201cHello,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

It sat down on the hammock next to the mattress and took a white cigarette case out of the big beach bag it carried. \u201cSmoke?\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cNo, thanks. I don\u2019t drink either. I\u2019m Jake.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m Jake, too, thanks,\u201d it said.<\/p>\n

I sat up and pulled my knees up under my arms and said, \u201cBeen here long?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you mean do I know my way around, yes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Things were happening around us. Cotton clouds floated across the sun for a minute. Something chirped in a tree. Block S darted out of nowhere and slithered into the pool like a seal in white trunks.<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cI take it for granted you\u2019re Minerva.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo tell!\u201d it said.<\/p>\n

I turned over and spread out on my stomach again, and pretty soon Block S heaved himself out of the pool and came over and dripped on my legs.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d he said, \u201cI got her, all right, all right.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cYou sure did,\u201d into the crook in my elbow.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know what would have happened then, if Lucille hadn\u2019t come in. I mean, we might have reached an impasse.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m Lucille,\u201d Lucille said. \u201cI suppose you\u2019re Minerva.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m Minerva, all right,\u201d said Minerva, \u201cbut I thought you\u2019d be so much younger.\u201d<\/p>\n

Block S said, \u201cCome on, honey. Two laps,\u201d and Minerva jumped up, and with one swift movement took off her sandals and her glasses, put out her cigarette, pulled on her cap, and was across me in a leap and into the pool.<\/p>\n

\u201cTwo lapse,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cInsidious little thing, isn\u2019t she?\u201d said Lucille.<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cParticularly for a girl of five.\u201d<\/p>\n

Block S stayed for dinner. Jerry Morgan was there (if he doesn\u2019t get his ten percent that way, he gets it another), and the President of the Lavondar Family (\u201cThe First Family of the Screen\u201d) Fan Club of Terre Haute \u2014 in purple chiffon and a daze, who had won a trip to Hollywood collecting soap coupons \u2014 was there. Lucille was there, and Minerva was there in something flowered.<\/p>\n

Mother did a Bernhardt, and knocked over a glass of champagne (Salinas, 1938) and father got \u2014 shall we say \u201cmellow\u201d? \u2014 and Block S demonstrated, with a hard roll, how Marvin broke his toe (\u201cCrunch,\u201d said Block S, \u201clike that\u201d). The P. of the L.F.F.C. of Terre Haute had the jitters, and the only time Minerva opened her mouth was when I said, \u201cDid you have a good trip out?\u201d and she said, \u201cThere wasn\u2019t a man under sixty on the whole train.\u201d<\/p>\n

On our way out of the dining room \u2014 when the Lavondar family moves in a group, the only thing missing is a calliope \u2014 mother touched my arm.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho is the one in that print?\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cThe one in that print is what we drew straws for at breakfast.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat was her name again?\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cHer name is Minerva, again. You remember, Cousin Harriet\u2019s error?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s she doing here?\u201d mother asked.<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cShe\u2019s visiting.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWho?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUs.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell I must speak to her.\u201d<\/p>\n

I should have known what was going to happen the next morning. I should never have gotten up or, better still, I should have gotten up early and gone out to Santa Monica and walked into the ocean and just kept walking. Then I would have washed up on Marion Davies\u2019 stoop, and The First Family of the Screen would have had one out on second. But oh, no, there was little Jake at the breakfast table, and sure enough, just when I was finishing my coffee, in comes Minerva in mufti.<\/p>\n

She said, \u201cWell, I\u2019m ready.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mother said, \u201cFather, this is Minerva. Minerva dear, this is father.\u201d<\/p>\n

Minerva said, \u201cWhose?\u201d<\/p>\n

She had on a blue dress and it was just exactly the color of her eyes. And she had on a blue hat, from which the tail feathers of a Nebraska rooster waved gaily in a morning breeze in California. And she had on white shoes and carried a white bag, and if she looked five, they dug me up someplace in Egypt. (Jake Ankh Ahman.)<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cWhere you off to?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d she said, \u201cI\u2019m ready to see Hollywood.\u201d<\/p>\n

Lucille tried to vanish, but I caught her by one sleeve. \u201cWhat are you doing today, darling?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m dreadfully sorry,\u201d said Lucille, \u201cI\u2019m absolutely heartbroken, but \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSkip it,\u201d said Minerva.<\/p>\n

\u201cMother?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Jake?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMother, Minerva \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, yes. Minerva.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMother, could you \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m so sorry,\u201d said mother, \u201cbut we\u2019re going on location today. To Omsk.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFather?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUh?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFather, Minerva \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s all right. Just run along, Minerva. That\u2019s quite all right.\u201d<\/p>\n

Minerva looked at me. I said, finally, \u201cO.K. Come on with me, and we\u2019ll run off Birth of a Nation for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

When we got to the office, I said, \u201cPearl, this is Minerva. Minerva has never been on a lot before. In fact, Minerva has never been to Hollywood before.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pearl said, \u201cI get it. So what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo take her out and show her what makes it tick.\u201d<\/p>\n

I was reading the Racing Form when Pearl came back and came in and sat up on my desk.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook,\u201d she said, \u201cI\u2019ve been around Hollywood 29 years and did anyone ever notice me?\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cBring it out in the open, and I\u2019ll run it down.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid Lou Sardin ever look at me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Lou Sardin is the main producer on our lot.<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cI don\u2019t know. Did he?\u201d<\/p>\n

Pearl got down off the desk and snorted, \u201cNo! But just let some Omaha houri \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

You know that way light comes through. You know that way it falls in a shaft to the floor, with little things dancing in it. Little things began to dance in me. Dawn broke.<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cOh, so that\u2019s it, is it?\u201d<\/p>\n

She said, \u201cDid you ever hear of Cinderella?\u201d<\/p>\n

And I said, \u201cI wrote it,\u201d and dashed out.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook, dear,\u201d I said to Sardin\u2019s secretary. \u201cI have to see Sardin. It\u2019s a matter of life and death. It\u2019s worse than that. It\u2019s vital.\u201d<\/p>\n

She said, \u201cMr. Sardin\u2019s out. He\u2019s at Malibu. He\u2019s in the East. Far East. China. He\u2019s in conference.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoney,\u201d I said, \u201cI\u2019ve been here too long for that one. There hasn\u2019t been a conference on this lot since Booth shot Lincoln.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDidn\u2019t see it,\u201d she said. \u201cWho was in it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLook,\u201d I said. I put my hand down on the desk with the palm up \u2014 you know \u2014 I ran the other hand through my hair. \u201cI have to see Sardin. It is quite important. It is important to me and it is important to the studio and it is important to Mr. Sardin. I found gold on Stage C. I hit oil in my inkwell. Shirley Temple \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou,\u201d she said, \u201care getting purple in the face.\u201d<\/p>\n

Just then Sardin opened the door of his private office and saw me. \u201cLavondar!\u201d he called. \u201cJust the man I wanted to see! Come in! Come in, Jake, old man!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBah!\u201d I said to his secretary, and went into the square modern room, and there was Minerva.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, hello.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean,\u201d said Sardin, \u201cby letting Miss \u2014 Miss \u2014 this young lady wander around alone on the lot?\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry. I couldn\u2019t help it. It\u2019s like keeping chipmunks. It\u2019s like keeping some of those little lizards that \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

He said, \u201cJake, this is a valuable piece of property. I\u2019m trying to get her to sign up with us.\u201d<\/p>\n

I sat down, and luckily there was a chair there. Minerva lit a cigarette and smiled sweetly at me and adjusted things on her shoulders.<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cThat\u2019s \u2014 that\u2019s \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

He said, \u201cI wish you\u2019d bring a little pressure to bear. You see, she \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cI\u2019m sure that won\u2019t be necessary.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, but it is,\u201d said Sardin. \u201cThe young lady \u2014 doesn\u2019t seem to want to \u2014 to be in the movies. Shall I put it that way?\u201d<\/p>\n

Minerva said, \u201cThat way\u2019s as good as any.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

Minerva said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry. I \u2014 I really don\u2019t want to be in the movies.\u201d<\/p>\n

He said, \u201cI can get you a grand a week. On this lot. I \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

One thousand a week. Forty-two weeks a year. And it wasn\u2019t spent. We already had a swimming pool. We already had the place at Malibu. Forty-two thousand a year. No ten percent. No nothing. Just the money, the rhino, the mopus, the dibs.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoney \u2014 \u201d I began.<\/p>\n

Minerva said, \u201cOn Wednesdays, where\u2019s the place to eat lunch?\u201d<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know what it was, I\u2019ll be damned if I do. Maybe it was something someone sprinkled on us. Maybe a wand waved, off there. Maybe it was just the rooster feathers. But this time there was no slapping producers on the back. Producers were slapping me. On the back. Me. Jake Lavondar. I give it to you.<\/p>\n

We drove out Sunset to the beach. \u201cMinerva \u2014 \u201d I started, someplace along the way. I made a picture of it you could have hung in the Louvre. I brought all of them out here \u2014 those blondes from Jersey, those brunettes from the cotton states, those redheads from the Rockies. I walked them until there were holes in the soles of their shoes, up Vine, down Gower, out Santa Monica, and then I spread them out in a thin layer over town \u2014 hash houses, bars, drive-ins, restaurants, beauty shops, theater exits, glove counters. I gave it glamour, I gave it romance, I gave it heartache. I went into statistics.<\/p>\n

Someplace, I stopped the car and said, \u201cMinerva, I don\u2019t do this for everyone. But \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat does he do?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSardin? He\u2019s one of the biggest shots \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

She got a look, just kind of a simple soft little look. \u201cNo, not him.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cMilt Grosman?\u201d (Milt had wandered in on us at lunch.) \u201cMilt\u2019s one of the hottest \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d said Minerva. \u201cNot him.\u201d Now impatience shadowed her words. \u201cThat one who\u2019s around your house so much. The one with the letter.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh?\u201d I said \u2014 the road ahead of me rolled dizzily. I whipped my window down and put my head out and breathed in some cold air. \u201cHim?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s awfully cute,\u201d said Minerva.<\/p>\n

When we got back to the house, Block S, The Constant, took over \u2014 Minerva said, \u201cHello, stupid\u201d; I said, \u201cShe\u2019s yours, you can have her, I give her to you\u201d; he said, \u201cThank you, sir. Come on, gorgeous\u201d \u2014 and I went out by the pool. I had been thinking. I was older then.<\/p>\n

Pretty soon, Lucille wandered in.<\/p>\n

\u201cHome early.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cThat\u2019s right.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing doing at the studio?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s right.\u201d<\/p>\n

She sank down on the hammock beside me. She took off her little felt hat and ran her hands through her hair, and leaned back, closing her eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know,\u201d she said, \u201csometimes it isn\u2019t funny out here.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cThat\u2019s right.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pretty soon she opened her eyes and just looked up at the top of the hammock, and her lower jaw came out and the white teeth in it sort of bit her scarlet upper lip.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m tired out, Jake. I worked on Lenny Deveaux for three hours and forty-seven minutes for a part in Sing to the Sky, but \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cI know. It\u2019s lousy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s Gehenna.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s Sheol.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s Purgatory.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s Limbo\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s \u2014 oh, nuts!\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cMagno wants Minerva at a grand a week.\u201d I said it just like that. I kept my voice on a nice even plane, and I tried to make the words sound pleasant. A hummingbird, of all things, danced along the box hedge beyond the lawn. A swallow tipped the pool in flight. \u201cYou remember Minerva.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou mean \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cLife is a black widow spider. Under the wood in the garage.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd she said thanks, but she didn\u2019t want any. She wasn\u2019t interested in pictures. A thousand a week was so much corn meal.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou,\u201d said Lucille, standing up and looking at me, \u201cmust think I\u2019m an awful fool.\u201d She turned and walked into the house, and I shrugged my shoulders and sat there and grinned, bansheely, at the hummingbird. They found me there, hours later.<\/p>\n

The next morning I got up at five o\u2019clock, and went out and drove around until it was time to go to the studio. That way, I avoided taking Minerva with me.<\/p>\n

Mother got caught. In a way, it was really terrific. I saw them at lunch \u2014 Minerva and mother and A.E. Andrews, the producer at Goliath Studios. A.E. was talking to Minerva, and mother was just sitting there. When I went in, I waved to her, and she gave me kind of a sick little smile. You could tell that A.E. was being very positive about something \u2014 as it happened, he was offering Minerva one-fifty a week on a five-year contract and to hell with the New York office \u2014 and Minerva was all sort of sweet and cool and dumb, in pink.<\/p>\n

They passed me, on the way out.<\/p>\n

A.E. said, \u201cTry and pump some sense into this girl, Jake.\u201d<\/p>\n

Minerva said, \u201cOh, Jake, could Fuzzy and I borrow your car this afternoon?\u201d<\/p>\n

Mother said, \u201cThe moving picture is a peculiar form of art.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cI am reserving a suite for us at Patton.\u201d<\/p>\n

That afternoon I went around to see Jerry. At Magno, I was coming to an end.<\/p>\n

\u201cJake! Just the man I wanted to see!\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cThat\u2019s fine. Got something red-hot for me?\u201d That fear that had been gnawing down there, stopped gnawing and sat still for a minute.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve got something for me,\u201d Jerry said. \u201cWho is this gal Minerva?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh. Her.\u201d Fear started feeding again. \u201cA cousin from Omaha. Why?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe whole town\u2019s after her. Warners\u2019 called. Said they\u2019d heard you knew her. They\u2019ll give us a thousand a \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cI know. Jerry, look. Tomorrow is my last day at Magno. I\u2019ll take that five hundred \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

He said, \u201cWhere is she? Why isn\u2019t she here? Why didn\u2019t you bring \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll take that five hundred, Jerry. I\u2019ll come down. I\u2019ll be a good guy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jerry said, \u201cMan, let\u2019s get that dame signed up! That\u2019s a gold mine!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJerry,\u201d I said gently, \u201cit\u2019s no go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWattdyamean \u2018no go\u2019? It\u2019s a sensation! We\u2019ll spread her name from \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJerry, dear. She doesn\u2019t want to be in pictures.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe doesn\u2019t want to be in pictures.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be a fool, Jake. There isn\u2019t a woman in the United States who wouldn\u2019t \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cMinerva wouldn\u2019t. I know. Life is a black widow spider. Under your shoes in the closet.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jerry said, \u201cJake, old man, you wouldn\u2019t do this thing to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry. I don\u2019t like it. But it\u2019s the truth. She\u2019s blond. She has blue eyes. She has a neat little figure. And she doesn\u2019t want to be in pictures.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jerry sat there shaking his head like one of those little papier-mache dragons you can buy in Chinatown.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut, Jerry,\u201d I said. \u201cTake me. Now, I am absolutely aching to be \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n

He drew into a shell. \u201cSorry, Jake. They filled that job.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou mean \u2014 ?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf Shakespeare walked in here now, I couldn\u2019t get him a job. Depression. Recession.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cWho\u2019s he?\u201d But it wasn\u2019t funny. Fear finished the first course, and went into the entree.<\/p>\n

The telegram reached our house the next morning about ten. I was at the studio, cleaning out my desk. People were coming in and saying goodbye and then going over to the commissary. The good old commissary!<\/p>\n

Millie, our second girl, read it to me over the phone. I might have known \u2014 when they didn\u2019t come back, Fuzzy and Minerva, and when my car didn\u2019t come back. Anyway, it was from Nevada, and it wasn\u2019t a very clever telegram, but somehow you could see those two youngsters standing there at the counter and writing it out, sort of giggling and sort of clean and sort of American. With a capital A. Life goes to a party.<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cThank you, Millie,\u201d and hung up, and told Pearl to get Lucille on the phone, for me. Lucille was in a beauty shop in Westwood.<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cYou\u2019re back in circulation again.\u201d<\/p>\n

She said, \u201cGo on. I\u2019m having a shampoo.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cMinerva and Fuzzy were married in Reno this morning. Tum, tum, te-ump, tum tum tum.\u201d<\/p>\n

For a minute, she didn\u2019t answer. Then she said, \u201cI was going to marry him.\u201d It wasn\u2019t bathos. It was sort of a little complaint. Her voice sounded as if she had soap in her eyes.<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cI don\u2019t know what to say to that. I can\u2019t think of any bright cracks.\u201d<\/p>\n

She said, \u201cWell, to a certain extent it thins out Hollywood.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cOK, heartbroken, go back to your basin,\u201d and hung up.<\/p>\n

Pearl came in, and I said, \u201cRemember Minerva?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAt night I wake up and hate her,\u201d said Pearl. \u201cYou want your typing paper?\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cWell, you don\u2019t need to hate her any more. She\u2019s married. Yes, I want my typing paper.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLook,\u201d said Pearl, \u201cI\u2019ve been in Hollywood twenty-nine years, and am I married?\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cI don\u2019t know, are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d said Pearl.<\/p>\n

The line formed at the left, and I paid off. Two hundred to Epstein for that bet on Farr. One-fifty to Movet for that loan in August. Six hundred to Jimmy Nebeker for that night at the Clover Club. Eventually, the office was empty, and I stood there and looked down at the lot through the Venetian blinds, and I felt very bad. Even that buzzing noise was lovable. Pearl came in and wiped tears away and said it had been fun to work with me, and I borrowed three dollars from her for lunch. You have to keep up appearances.<\/p>\n

When I got there, I fixed my tie in the car and smoothed down my hair and adjusted my coat. \u201cThis is tomorrow,\u201d I said to myself in the rear-view mirror \u2014 which was kind of symbolical \u2014 and went in. I sat down alone at a table next to the wall and looked at the menu, but I wasn\u2019t very hungry. After the waiter had taken my order, I folded my hands on the cloth and looked around.<\/p>\n

Mother was sitting in a corner with someone I didn\u2019t recognize, and father was at one of the center tables with a woman who looked a little bit like Equipoise. Lucille wasn\u2019t there yet, but my brother Zane was there, with Pierre, the designer. When I caught his eye, I waved to him. That ties the story together.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Published on November 26, 1938 I will tell you this about September. You can have it. September, I give you. While I\u2019m giving things away, I might as well give you Sam Worthman, and if you get Sam Worthman you also get Magno Studios, thirty-one weeks of mother \u2014 at two grand a week \u2014…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-906","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/906","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=906"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/906\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=906"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=906"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=906"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}