The John Report: The Raw Deal for July 20\/09 (Plus Night of Champions Preview)
\nThe Raw Deal for July 20\/09 (Plus Night of Champions Preview)<\/p>\n
Welcome to the Raw Deal. I\u2019ll start with the rundown of Raw this week like usual, and then I\u2019ll do a quick preview of Night of Champions because I\u2019ve decided to stop doing my PPV preview columns. I figure it\u2019ll just be easier to do it this way every week and then if I find the time I can write something else towards the end of the week. <\/p>\n
Live from Raleigh, North Carolina here’s the Raw Deal\u2026<\/p>\n
Talking with Cena, Hunter and Legacy
\nHere comes Cena the hype man to start us off. He\u2019s fine in this role until he starts saying things like the match this Sunday is going to be the greatest ever. It\u2019s nice to think that, but nobody at home believes it. Then Orton came out because the voices in his head told him to. They had a little debate. When Cena, then Orton, said that they wrestled two years ago at WrestleMania it had me scratching my head. I didn\u2019t realize that a match from March 30, 2008 is two years ago. It\u2019s 2009, last I checked, which would mean 2008 was one year ago. I\u2019m assuming that since two people said that it was in the script. That\u2019s just sloppy. Anyway, the predictable 3 on 1 beatdown was about to happen when HHH came out. There was some comedy, some of which missed pretty badly. It\u2019s not that Cena or HHH lack a sense of humor. Both of them can be very funny. We\u2019ve seen that from each guy many times over the years. It\u2019s just that the writing is just awful for some of this stuff. In Cena\u2019s case, sometimes he needs to tone it down a bit. I guess what I\u2019m saying is I can understand why some people hate the guy because he does come off as obnoxious sometimes. Eventually the HHH\/Cena vs. Legacy match turned into the same match with Orton involved. So basically they did the exact same main event as last week except with no Seth Green, the hobbit, this time. Wow, that\u2019s creative. <\/p>\n
It\u2019s funny because as I was chatting with somebody on Facebook earlier in the day he asked me what I thought Raw\u2019s main event would be and I said HHH & Cena vs. Orton, Dibiase & Rhodes without any knowledge that it would actually happen. I almost feel bad that I was right because it\u2019s too damn predictable. <\/p>\n
There\u2019s ZZ Top with Santino backstage because they had no faith in having ZZ Top in front of the live crowd. It was smart of WWE to do pre-tapes. On the other hand, if this is the best they could do then they should have re-considered things. You could tell that ZZ Top wasn\u2019t actually playing any of their songs during any of their segments. Came off as very bush league and didn\u2019t have me excited about anything going forward. I have to admit that I do get a kick out of how Santino said ZZ Top\u2019s name as well as how he says Triple H. <\/p>\n
Primo, Kofi Kingston & MVP d. Big Show, Jack Swagger & Carlito (**1\/4)
\nThis was alright. I like six man tag team matches featuring people that don\u2019t wrestle every week (like in the main event) because they come off as fresh on a show that doesn\u2019t usually have fresh stuff on it. As usual, a talent like MVP comes off as just another guy, which continues to be ridiculous to me. I don\u2019t blame the fans for not giving a shit about the guy when the bookers care even less about him. The best part of the match was Primo\u2019s hot tag. This is why the Colon brothers should not have broken up. Primo\u2019s energy is phenomenal when he gets the tag. You can hear the crowd actually giving a shit when he\u2019s doing his stuff. I liked how the finish was booked with Big Show accidentally spearing Carlito, Kofi taking Show out to the floor and then Primo hitting a springboard headbutt (I remember who used to do a headbutt) to pin his brother. By the way, the only person in this match that\u2019s not in the US Title match on Sunday got the pinfall here. Weird. I wonder if they\u2019ll even have a singles match with the brothers or if it will just end there as both of them float into the sea of midcard hell. Post match, Show beat everybody up because for some reason they feel the need to remind everybody every week that he\u2019s bigger than the others. Thanks. He\u2019s only been wrestling on television for 14 years now. I didn\u2019t know. <\/p>\n
They sent Jericho backstage to talk to ZZ Top. Even his greatness couldn\u2019t save these awful segments. They didn\u2019t know who Fozzy was, which I guess was an attempt at comedy. They told him to wrestle Mark Henry. That led to Jericho asking \u201cHow\u201d he should do that, which then led to them playing \u201cSharp Dressed Man\u201d with what essentially were air guitars. This was terrible. I\u2019m sorry to the ZZ Top fans out there, but holy shit was this bad. What\u2019s sad is that people on the writing team wrote this segment and probably thought it was clever. Or at least convinced crazy Vince it was clever. It wasn\u2019t. <\/p>\n
Jerry Lawler d. Brian Kendrick (1\/2*)
\nKendrick was out at ringside wanting to be Jericho\u2019s partner. They referenced Kendrick\u2019s one year title run on Smackdown although they can\u2019t mention Paul London\u2019s name because he was foolish enough to think that Vince McMahon\u2019s car blowing up back in the day was ridiculous. He was right, of course. Man, I wish I was writing about this show when that happened or last year when the set fell on Vince. Those are two of the greatest unintentionally funny things to ever happen on Raw. Anyway, Kendrick insulted Lawler for never having won a title in WWE, which led to Lawler naming himself the opponent of Kendrick. He won in about two minutes. Way to put the nearly 60 year old over a guy in the prime of his career. This came off as \u201cwe need to fill five minutes\u201d and that\u2019s exactly what it was. Filler. In Lawler\u2019s defense, I love how he throws a punch.<\/p>\n
My girl Mickie James and her cleavage (hello girls!) were being interviewed by Josh Matthews on a stage in front of the crowd like they used to do with Mean Gene in the late 80s\/early 90s. I felt nostalgic just seeing the set like that. ZZ Top are the greatest GMs ever for bringing that back. Or not. Anyway, Mickie called Maryse a \u201cTrampion\u201d which I guess is an insult if you\u2019re 12 years old\u2026or on the WWE writing team. Miz came out, said Maryse is glamorous unlike Mickie, who will be working at a waffle house in ten years. Mmmm waffles. Mickie said Miz is jealous because she\u2019s pinned Maryse while Miz can\u2019t score at all. Owned. Or is it pwned? I guess it\u2019s either. Maryse came out, did a stare and then sprayed something into Mickie\u2019s eyes. I think Mickie should wrestle with goggles on Sunday. Anyway, this was an effective segment because unlike everything else in WWE they\u2019ve taken their time in building this match. If you don\u2019t rush things people will give a shit. If you rush things nobody cares. It\u2019s not hard to understand. <\/p>\n
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio on Smackdown this week. That\u2019s much better than giving away Punk vs. Hardy for free like they had originally planned. I also hope there\u2019s another Tricky Ricky segment on the show because they\u2019re so bizarre especially with the announcers never acknowledging them or pointing out that it\u2019s actually R-Truth doing it. <\/p>\n
Mark Henry d. Chris Jericho via DQ (*1\/4)
\nThe question here was can anybody drag a good match out of Mark Henry? The answer is no. I\u2019m so tired of this push already. I still don\u2019t believe the crowd will give a shit about the guy if he works with somebody other Orton or Jericho. This was predictable with Jericho being unable to do anything on him, so he used a chair to get DQ\u2019d. I guess we\u2019re supposed to believe that Mark Henry is a badass now even though for 13 years in this company we\u2019ve seen him lose more matches than he\u2019s won sometimes in less than three minutes. Oh wait, there I go remembering the past again. Sorry Vince. I am cringing at the inevitable Henry vs. Big Show feud. You know it\u2019s coming. You can\u2019t stop it. <\/p>\n
More \u201ccomedy\u201d with ZZ Top as they put Chavo Guerrero in ANOTHER match with Hornswoggle, this time a Tuxedo Match, or in their case a Sharp Dressed Man match because that\u2019s one of their songs. <\/p>\n
Hornswoggle d. Chavo Guerrero in a Sharp Dressed Man Match (DUD)
\nThe two Horny\/Chavo matches before were so bad we needed more of it apparently. Chavo\u2019s pant legs were tied together, so he had to waddle out there like a penguin. I know that every time I rip these Horny segments the same people email me saying \u201cthe kids like him\u201d and I understand that. However, you don\u2019t need to put him in matches. They should just keep him with Finlay or Goldust at ringside or even a tag match. It\u2019s too insulting to us as viewers to have to watch these \u201cmatches\u201d every week that aren\u2019t even funny. This match made me really regret watching Raw \u201clive\u201d on Mondays. I might have to back to the PVR route again so I can fast forward through some of this stuff. It\u2019s just that when I\u2019m writing this column I want to be thorough in my reviews. I just don\u2019t know if it\u2019s worth the mental pain it brings me. Of course Horny won because I guess Chavo has to look like a fool since his aunt Vickie quit before the company had finished their storyline with her. I\u2019m sure Eddie would be proud.<\/p>\n
Backstage, Cena and HHH said they can count on eachother tonight, but on Sunday it\u2019ll be different. They agreed to take care of Orton and Legacy tonight without ever mentioning that they beat them already last week. <\/p>\n
More ZZ Top with Santino. This turned into their song \u201cLegs\u201d starting to play, various divas coming into the segment showing their legs off and then Santino showing off his legs. I guess we\u2019re supposed to laugh at him acting like a metrosexual. ZZ Top took off, yet the camera stayed on Santino as the joke died a slow death. I\u2019m sure Vince thought this was the funniest thing ever while doing his cackling laugh backstage. Note to Vince: It was terrible.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s Jericho walking backstage with pain on his face, as if he actually watched all these ZZ Top segments. Oh wait, that\u2019s my face. His face is in pain because of Mark Henry. Hey, I\u2019m in pain from watching Mark Henry! High five! Anyway, Dibiase & Rhodes bump into him and they use the 12 year old putdown by saying their dad is cooler than Chris\u2019 dad. Yes, because the way you stick it to a nearly 40 year old man with multiple world title reigns and millions of dollars in his bank account is by ripping on his dad\u2019s NHL career from 25 years ago. That\u2019ll show him! They say when they\u2019re done with him they\u2019ll get Orton to kick him in the head, which leads to Jericho saying maybe Orton is his partner. Oh, the intrigue. This was actually a good segment on a show full of bad ones. Good for them. <\/p>\n
Next week\u2019s host: Shaquille O\u2019Neal. Awesome. One of my favorite athletes ever and a naturally funny guy, so it should be fun. Then again this writing team writes some pretty bad comedy. It could tarnish Shaq\u2019s comedy. The good thing is he\u2019s an actual legitimate star in today\u2019s society that younger people will probably like seeing and it might create some buzz in the sports world. <\/p>\n
Rosa Mendez & Alicia Fox d. Gail Kim & Kelly Kelly for some reason (1\/4*)
\nWhy do they keep sticking Rosa out there on live television when she has proven on multiple occasions that she isn\u2019t ready for it? It\u2019s sloppy and somebody\u2019s going to get hurt. Gail Kim\u2019s probably the best female wrestler in the company even though they never know how to use her properly, Kelly\u2019s very much improved, Alicia\u2019s improving quickly and Rosa comes off like a skinny model trying to do something her body isn\u2019t trained to do. This came off as yet another filler match much like Kendrick\/Lawler earlier in the show. <\/p>\n
We got a plug for ZZ Top as they came out into the arena finally to salute the crowd, who by this point probably hated them. I should use this opportunity to say that the announcers on this show were awful. For every one of the ZZ Top\/Santino segments the crowd wasn\u2019t laughing. Then they would cut back to the announcers as they busted out their fake laughs and acted as if they were watching something actually funny. They’re told to do this by Vince, who was by far the worst announcer ever at doing the fake laugh, but that doesn’t make it right. <\/p>\n
Triple H & John Cena d. Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes & Ted Dibiase (**1\/4)
\nIt was a pretty basic tag match similar to last week although there wasn\u2019t Seth Green in there to punch somebody in the mouth. Triple H got beat up, Cena got the hot tag, cleaned house and scored the pinfall with a rollup because I guess they’re saving the finishers for Sunday. Not a bad idea. Of course the match was tolerable because it followed the main event tag team formula that has worked for decades now, but like I’ve said we saw it last week. Maybe they could have had ZZ Top “run” in hit a flying beard splash for something different. See how creative I am? And I’m not even on drugs\u2026like the WWE writing team probably is. Then again maybe they should be on drugs because at least people on drugs have creative minds. <\/p>\n
Three Stars of the Show
\n1. Anybody not in the ZZ Top segments \u2013 The sooner I forget about those segments, the better.
\n2. Chavo Guerrero – For putting up with the shit they make him go through week after week.
\n3. Chicks showing some leg – See how far I had to reach this week? <\/p>\n
Rating: 3 (out of 10)
\nLast week: 4.5<\/p>\n
In Closing\u2026
\nI\u2019m not sure if that\u2019s the lowest score in the two months since I\u2019ve started doing this, but it felt like the worst one I\u2019ve reviewed in that time. I think giving it a 3 is too nice on my part. Terrible show. The six man tag and the main event were okay for TV matches, but they were nothing that anybody is going to remember in the future. It was just the same thing we always get. I respect ZZ Top as musicians, but the segments they were in were as bad as any segments they’ve had on WWE TV in years. I also wasn’t a fan of the Lawler\/Kendrick or divas tag matches. They were both time killers. There’s a PPV on Sunday. You’re supposed to use Raw to try to promote that. They used some of the show to promote it, but they could have done a lot more. <\/p>\n
Thankfully Shawn Michaels will reportedly be back for Summerslam, which means he\u2019ll be back on TV hopefully as soon as next week or one of the weeks after that. <\/p>\n
Here are some random thoughts from some of my facebook friends (just head to Facebook.com\/thejohnreport) after I asked for some good things to say about the show:<\/p>\n
“I am not really a Cena fan but the opening promo was very entertaining I thought. Reminded me of what DX would do.”<\/p>\n
“Um….Gail Kim looked like a wrestler.”<\/p>\n
“This was just as bad as the TNA PPV.”<\/p>\n
“The best part tonight was Big Show cleaning house, yet he won’t get the U.S. belt.”<\/p>\n
“Carlito hit Kofi with a pretty good dropkick…that’s about it”<\/p>\n
“MVP was actually in a match. That’s….um….something.”<\/p>\n
“Backstage segment with Jericho and Legacy was decent…that’s about it.”<\/p>\n
“Jericho…..but wait a minute they let Mark Henry squash him again….. that’s good for business lol.”<\/p>\n
“The best part about tonight is that it’s over.”<\/p>\n
Well said. Next week we’ll do the same thing. I’m not putting in names to protect the people, but join the facebook page and throw your comments in after Raw and it could show up in the column. While I won’t only post funny stuff, I would suggest the funnier you make your comment(s) the better. I post this at around 12pmET Tuesdays, so you only have about a 12 hour window to get it in here. <\/p>\n
——<\/p>\n
A Quick Preview of WWE Night of Champions
\nIt’s on Sunday. You might not know that after watching Raw, but trust me it will be on Sunday. I think match wise there is some potential for some good to great bouts (Hardy\/Punk should be the best) while nothing will be that bad. Onto the matches. <\/p>\n
Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler<\/i>
\nI’m interested to see how much time they get here. I think Mysterio can have good matches with anybody except for the really tall or really fat guys, so it should be exciting at least. I really like Ziggler’s potential even though he’s got a terrible ring name. He’ll win the belt soon, but not yet. The Pick: Rey Mysterio<\/i> <\/p>\n
United States Title: Kofi Kingston (c) vs. Big Show vs. The Miz vs. Carlito vs. MVP vs. Jack Swagger<\/i>
\nHello spotfest. Get ready for a lot of “two guys do stuff while everybody else plays dead” kind of spots. I don’t mind these kinds of matches. The action is usually good, the spots are well timed and they generally lead to a good finish. It’s just too bad that Evan Bourne isn’t in the match to get destroyed by Big Show again. I think Kingston should retain the title although if it’s not him then Miz might win in a match booked like a fluke. The Pick: Kofi Kingston<\/i><\/p>\n
ECW Title: Tommy Dreamer (c) vs. Christian<\/i>
\nSeems like we’ve been here before. Get the belt back on Christian, and then give me Christian vs. Benjamin. No Kozlov, please. The Pick: Christian<\/i><\/p>\n
Women\u2019s Title: Michelle McCool (c) vs. Melina<\/i>
\nIs this official? It’s not on WWE.com as I write this Tuesday morning, but I assume it is. Michelle just won the belt, so there’s no reason for her to lose the belt now. The Pick: Michelle McCool<\/i><\/p>\n
Divas Title: Maryse (c) vs. Mickie James<\/i>
\nLike I said before I have enjoyed the slow build up to this. It’s better than the women’s feud on Smackdown. My guess is Maryse retains because they like her a lot as champ although I see Mickie getting the belt at Summerslam most likely. The Pick: Maryse<\/i><\/p>\n
Unified Tag Titles: Chris Jericho & ??? (c) vs. Cody Rhodes & Ted Dibiase<\/i>
\nI think Jericho has to win the match with whoever his partner is because he’s the guy that should be appearing on all the shows. My initial pick was Dolph Ziggler, but now I’m thinking it could be Miz because it makes sense too. Either guy will benefit from teaming with Chris. I’ll go with my instincts and take Ziggler as my pick for the partner. The Pick: Jericho & Ziggler<\/i><\/p>\n
World Heavyweight Title: CM Punk (c) vs. Jeff Hardy<\/i>
\nThis should be the best match on the night even though the outcome should be obvious. Hardy’s contract is up in a few weeks with the belief that he won’t sign an extension right away. Maybe they’ll do a swerve by giving him the win and then have him drop it back to Punk on Smackdown, but I think they’ve already pissed him off enough with the way they’ve booked his title wins in the past. With that said, I see Punk retaining after 15 minutes of good action in the ring due to the successful heel turn of Punk. The Pick: CM Punk<\/i><\/p>\n
WWE Title: Randy Orton (c) vs. Triple H vs. John Cena<\/i>
\nBe positive here, folks. We’ve seen it before, but at least it’s not HHH vs. Orton. It’s been three months since Cena’s had a belt, which I guess is a long time in the 2009 version of WWE with the fast title switches. I don’t think it’s time to move it off Orton especially with HBK coming back any day now. He overcomes the odds to retain. The Pick: Randy Orton<\/i><\/p>\n
At Summerslam I see Orton defending the belt against Michaels while Triple H wrestles Cena in a singles match. <\/p>\n
Looking back at my picks I have every champion retaining except for Dreamer. I doubt I’m right. I think my logic makes sense, but when does logic matter in WWE anymore? Enjoy the show, people. <\/p>\n
——<\/p>\n
I appreciate any feedback you guys can give so please send me your thoughts at oratoryjohn@gmail.com about anything related to WWE past or present. If you add me on facebook (just head to Facebook.com\/thejohnreport) you’ll see the links to my columns as well because I post them there just as soon as I post them on this website. <\/p>\n
Check out my For Love or Money column that I wrote with Matt Seagull last week, which was posted on Friday. We covered a lot, so give it a look if you haven’t done so already. <\/p>\n
I might be back at the end of the week with something else, but if not you can count on me being here next Tuesday for the Raw Deal with some thoughts on Night of Champions as well. <\/p>\n
Smell ya later,
\nJohn Canton – oratoryjohn@gmail.com
\nAdd me on Facebook at Facebook.com\/thejohnreport
\nAOLIM: OratorJC (This is the one I’m on the most.)
\nMSN: oratoryjohn@hotmail.com – Do not email me here! Will not be read!<\/p>\n
Visit My Archives to view ten years of The John Report columns. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The John Report: The Raw Deal for July 20\/09 (Plus Night of Champions Preview) The Raw Deal for July 20\/09 (Plus Night of Champions Preview) Welcome to the Raw Deal. I\u2019ll start with the rundown of Raw this week like usual, and then I\u2019ll do a quick preview of Night of Champions because I\u2019ve decided…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7376","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7376","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7376"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7376\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7376"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7376"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7376"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}