{"id":4612,"date":"2020-04-06T13:14:44","date_gmt":"2020-04-06T13:14:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sportsnewsforyou.com\/?p=4612"},"modified":"2020-04-06T13:14:44","modified_gmt":"2020-04-06T13:14:44","slug":"commissions-got-talent","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/?p=4612","title":{"rendered":"Commission’s Got Talent"},"content":{"rendered":"

Cheering, whooping and hollering.<\/em><\/p>\n

Host:<\/em> Hello and welcome to the talent show to beat all talent shows!<\/p>\n

Here are your judges: He’s got a weird face, his trousers are pulled up too high and he hates good music … it’s Simon Cowell. Joining him are former Eurovision winner\u00a0Conchita Wurst and, thanks to a contractual obligation, G\u00fcnther Oettinger, the outgoing European commissioner for budget and human resources.<\/p>\n

It’s time for our first contestant. Leading from the front, it’s\u00a0Ursula von der Leyen. She’s joined by all seven of her children for a recreation of surely her finest moment \u2014 back in the ’70s when she appeared\u00a0on the TV show\u00a0“Die aktuelle Schaubude”<\/em> along with her family. They’ll be performing Die Albrecht Familie’s 1978 single “Wohlauf in Gottes sch\u00f6ne Welt”<\/em>\u00a0(“Well in God’s beautiful world”) and its\u00a0B-side, “Alle Birken gr\u00fcnen in Moor und Heid<\/em>”\u00a0(“All birches blossom in the moor and heath”).<\/p>\n

Wohlauf in Gottes sch\u00f6ne Welt, <\/em>
\nlebe wohl, ade! <\/em>
\nDie Luft ist blau und gr\u00fcn das Feld, <\/em>
\nlebe wohl, ade! <\/em>
\nDie Berge gl\u00fch’n wie Edelstein, <\/em>
\nich wandre mit dem Sonnenschein, <\/em>
\nlalalala, lalala, ins weite Land hinein <\/em>
\nlalalala, lalala, ins weite Land hinein!<\/em><\/p>\n

(and on and on)<\/em><\/p>\n

Applause.<\/em><\/p>\n

Host:\u00a0<\/em>Wonderful stuff. Let’s see what the judges think.<\/p>\n

Simon:<\/em> That. Was. Awful. It’s 2019, darling, not 1978. And as for all that lederhosen!<\/p>\n

Conchita:<\/em> I loved it! Irony is in. Boris Johnson just said it’s important to trust politicians \u2014 hilarious.\u00a0If you make it through to the final, please perform the same song but on horseback.<\/p>\n

G\u00fcnther:<\/em> What time’s dinner?<\/p>\n

Host:\u00a0<\/em>Next up it’s Finland’s Jutta Urpilainen. She was once named Europe\u2019s \u201cfourth-best finance minister\u201d but will she be in first place when it comes to singing? Sadly she won’t be performing her impromptu version of\u00a0“We Will Rock You,” but rather a song from her 2002 album called \u201cChristmassy Thoughts.\u201d Here’s “Winter Wonderland.”<\/p>\n

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?<\/em>
\nIn the lane, snow is glistening<\/em>
\nA beautiful sight<\/em>
\nWe’re happy tonight<\/em>
\nWalking in a winter wonderland<\/em><\/p>\n

Gone away is the bluebird<\/em>
\nHere to stay is a new bird<\/em>
\nHe sings a love song<\/em>
\nAs we go along<\/em>
\nWalking in a winter wonderland<\/em><\/p>\n

etc. etc. etc.<\/em><\/p>\n

Applause.<\/em><\/p>\n

Host: <\/em>How festive. Judges?<\/p>\n

Simon:<\/em> That. Was. Terrible. If I wanted hackneyed schmaltz, I’d listen to any of the records I’ve ever put out.<\/p>\n

Conchita:<\/em> Brilliant stuff and, thanks to global inaction on climate change, the snow was real (and we’re filming this in August).<\/p>\n

G\u00fcnther:<\/em>\u00a0Seriously, what time’s dinner?<\/p>\n

Host:\u00a0<\/em>It’s time for Malta’s Helena Dalli. She\u00a0won the Miss Malta contest 40 years ago and represented Malta in the Miss World contest in London. But tonight she’ll be reprising her role as\u00a0policewoman Maria Cassar in the 1985 action film “Final Justice.”<\/p>\n

Cassar looks on helplessly as Sheriff Thomas Jefferson Jeronimo (played in the film by Joe Don Baker but played here by Frans Timmermans) confronts the mobster\u00a0Joseph Palermo (originally played by Venantino Venantini but here starring Paolo Gentiloni). It ends in a shootout with Jeronimo standing tall.<\/em><\/p>\n

Applause.<\/em><\/p>\n

Host:<\/em> Wow, that was tense. What did the judges think?<\/p>\n

Simon:<\/em> That. Was. Terrible. If I wanted bad acting, I’d watch that Prince Andrew interview again.<\/p>\n

Conchita:<\/em>\u00a0Fabulous. I genuinely don’t know how you didn’t win an Oscar.<\/p>\n

G\u00fcnther:<\/em>\u00a0[Has gone for dinner]<\/p>\n

Host:\u00a0<\/em>And finally it’s a double act.\u00a0Maro\u0161 \u0160ef\u010dovi\u010d is a huge “Star Trek” fan, and he’ll be reading an extract from Thierry Breton’s sci-fi novel “Softwar.”<\/p>\n

Captain James T. \u0160ef\u010dovi\u010d: “The Soviets buy an American supercomputer through France, supposedly to forecast weather in Siberia, but the suspicious U.S. sends brilliant computer scientist Brendon Baines to plant a series of booby traps in the software.”<\/p>\n

Applause.<\/em><\/p>\n

Host:<\/em> Wow. Insightful. But what do the judges think?<\/p>\n

Simon:<\/em> That. Was. Calamitous. If I wanted crackpot conspiracy theories, I’d join the Hungarian government.<\/p>\n

Conchita:<\/em>\u00a0Visionary. And Breton’s going to be commissioner for space!<\/p>\n

G\u00fcnther:<\/em>\u00a0[Now asleep after dinner]<\/p>\n

Host:<\/em> That’s all from us. Tune in next week when … Sorry, I’m told the show’s been canceled. Goodnight.<\/p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Cheering, whooping and hollering. Host: Hello and welcome to the talent show to beat all talent shows! Here are your judges: He’s got a weird face, his trousers are pulled up too high and he hates good music … it’s Simon Cowell. Joining him are former Eurovision winner\u00a0Conchita Wurst and, thanks to a contractual obligation,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4612","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4612","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4612"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4612\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4612"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4612"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4612"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}