{"id":1204,"date":"2019-03-27T03:53:51","date_gmt":"2019-03-27T03:53:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sportsnewsforyou.com\/?p=1204"},"modified":"2019-03-27T03:53:51","modified_gmt":"2019-03-27T03:53:51","slug":"friendship-for-sale","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/?p=1204","title":{"rendered":"Friendship For Sale"},"content":{"rendered":"

I like making friends in unusual ways. I once made a friend in college by approaching him at the dining hall and asking him what he thought about color. A coworker and I bonded in the break room over the fact that we both had the same shade of purple socks. I\u2019ve made friends with an inmate through a prisoner pen pal program. <\/span><\/p>\n

So when my friend Anthony told me about <\/span>Rent a Friend\u2014a paid dating service. Instead of hook ups you meet up to play chess\u2014I figured, hey, why not? It was a simple way to make some extra dough. I imagined myself as the spunky wingwoman who nudges her meek buddy to chat it up with the cute gal or lad at the bar. How hard could hanging out with a stranger really be?<\/p>\n

This would be a cinch.<\/p>\n

As of mid-May, 621,585 Rent a Friends were available worldwide.<\/p>\n

The Rent a Friend site looks like a mix between Craigslist\u2019s apartment rental page and a beta version of OkCupid, circa early 2000s: blocks of clunky text, outdated stock images, the silhouette of a pin-headed man in place of the i<\/em>\u00a0in the word friend.\u00a0Featured is a reel of photos showing different groups of people, all flashing cheesy variations of a fake smile:\u00a0teens holding popcorn and drinks in a theater, gray-haired men and women clinking wine glasses at a party. The sidebar notes the daily total count of friends available for rent around the world. As of mid-May, 621,585 Rent a Friends were available worldwide.<\/p>\n

In the minute-long promo video, an attractive blonde in a black suit walks across the screen. She looks as if she\u2019s about to give a corporate spiel on workplace benefits. \u201cHello,\u201d she says. \u201cThere are many reasons why you may want to rent a friend,\u201d she continues with well-timed hand gestures. \u201cAnd no matter the reason, we can help you find the perfect friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t care about being a perfect friend\u2014just a hireable one.<\/p>\n

I set about creating a profile and filling\u00a0in all the necessary fields: Jackie; female; straight; above-average height.\u00a0And willing to be friends with \u201ceveryone.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Next, I look through the activities that a Rent a Friend can be rented to do, some of which include: teaching manners,\u00a0friends with disabled,\u00a0psychic, friends with seniors,\u00a0religious,\u00a0prom dates,\u00a0and hot air balloon.\u00a0At the very top is the option: \u201cI\u2019m up for anything.\u201d Nope, definitely not. I stayed true to myself and checked\u00a0wingman\/wingwoman<\/em>,\u00a0book stores<\/em>,\u00a0and a few for the pure novelty\u2014hot air balloon<\/em>,\u00a0giving tours<\/em>,\u00a0board games<\/em>,\u00a0teaching manners<\/em>,\u00a0and friends with seniors<\/em>.<\/p>\n

When it came time to upload profile photos, I remembered what my dad told me when I smashed one of the rear headlights on my car: <\/span>Presentation is very important. People will judge you based on your looks first\u2014and your mind second.<\/em><\/p>\n

The first thing I did was size up the competition. There was Pat, 24, from Phillipsburg, New Jersey, a bearded boy with a baseball cap casting a shadow over squinty eyes. \u201c<\/span>I\u2019m loyal, outspoken and your best choice as a friend, so look no further,\u201d he writes in his profile. Not convinced<\/em>. Andrea, 24, from Los Angeles, holds a terrier in her lap. She impresses potential friends with a yoga pose against the tree. Her profile reads, \u201cI\u2019m adventurous, spontaneous, funny (I think), and I love dogs, pizza, and yoga (in that order). I\u201dm a really good listener and I truly love getting to know people. Let’s hang out!\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

I was far from being an Andrea\u2014but screw it, I thought. Hopefully people would like me for my down-to-earth, easygoing self. I put up the photo I used on LinkedIn: smiling, hair braided to one side, wearing an asymmetrical dress. Professional, but fun. <\/span><\/p>\n

Next came my written profile. I needed to cater to the widest audience possible to be able to stand out among the 621,585 global friends for hire. So, without thinking too much, I wrote: \u201cI love getting to know new people and try new things. I like to hike, bike ride, go to concerts, museums, and to the movies. I also do roller derby and write fiction in my spare time.\u201d Generic with a little flair<\/em>.<\/span><\/p>\n

The last section was on how much I charged. Rates for rented friends started at $10 an hour and went up to $50. I checked negotiable<\/em>.\u00a0Then I closed out my account and forgot about it.<\/p>\n

\u200bNo red flags so far. Except for the fact that he was willing to pay to hang out with someone.<\/span><\/p>\n

A week later, I received a text from an unknown number: <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHi Jackie! My name is James. I\u2019m fairly new to the site, but I was wondering if you might be free this Friday?\u201d It took me a minute to register who the hell was texting me.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ah, yes. Rent a Friend. I forgot that I had included my phone number on my profile. \u201cOh, hi! Thanks for reaching out,\u201d I texted back, trying to keep it brief. Be a blank canvas<\/em>, <\/em>I thought. Be the perky teenager I never was<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust wanted to share with you a little bit about me.\u00a0I teach science to high schoolers and live out in Bakersfield. I\u2019ve been working a lot, and thought I\u2019d take a half day this Friday and drive out to LA. What do you do for a living? And might you be available then? Maybe for a few hours?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

No red flags so far. Except for the fact that he was willing to pay to hang out with someone. <\/span><\/p>\n

Then he sent me a blurry selfie, a quintessential fuzzy flip phone photo. I made out a smile and some glasses, dark hair, a square goatee. \u201cSoooo what kinds of things do you like to do?\u201d he asked. I logged onto my profile to see what I had checked off. I wanted to keep it consistent: \u201cI love concerts, hiking, art museums, movies, bowling. And yourself?\u201d<\/p>\n

James texted: \u201cOh, I enjoy doing all those things too. I like hiking, like Griffith Park although it\u2019s been awhile. Bowling is fun too. And who doesn\u2019t like going to the movies?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

This was a game, and I wanted to win. I said I was into any of those things. I lied and told him I lived in West Hollywood (in case he was a murderer) and we agreed to meet at 2 p.m. in front of the California Science Center. <\/span><\/p>\n

Then came the dreaded question: \u201cWhat\u2019s your rate?\u201d He continued,\u00a0\u201cI make $30 an hour as a science tutor, and think that\u2019s pretty fair. So just let me know what you think is fair for you.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c$40\u00a0an hour,\u201d I responded. Charging more to be someone\u2019s friend than to tutor chemistry seemed ludicrous, but I wanted to test my limits. Plus, I was worth it. \u201cWorks for me,\u201d James texted back.<\/p>\n

I did some vocal exercises I learned at an acting class to make sure my voice wouldn\u2019t crack when we exchanged initial hellos.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Before I knew it, I was waiting for him in front of the museum. As I sat on the bench, I did some vocal exercises I learned at an acting class to make sure my voice wouldn\u2019t crack when we exchanged initial hellos.\u00a0I wondered about all the fellow rent a friends and caregivers and more-than-friend escorts in LA\u00a0and beyond.<\/p>\n

Finally, James appeared, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, khakis, and sunglasses. He was a combination of my high school band teacher and all my geekiest guy friends, the ones who spent their weekends playing Dungeons & Dragons: tall, olive skin, dark, bushy hair. Told bad dad jokes. Harmless, but socially awkward.<\/p>\n

When he took out his wallet to pay for the Imax movie, I was suddenly uneasy. I had to stop myself from reaching for my wallet. On first dates, I usually offer to go dutch. And if I was this dude\u2019s real friend, we\u2019d probably go splitsies anyway. I reminded myself that I was a professional\u2014his paying was part of the deal. So I thanked him and acted as if I enjoyed having guys pay\u00a0for me.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

The afternoon played out like any pleasant friend date. We sat in silence in the nearly empty theater as we watched A Beautiful Planet<\/em>\u00a0in 3-D. Conversation flowed\u00a0freely between us as we meandered through the science museum, poking at plasticized human organs, peering into the mouth of a giant fish, and trying out the earthquake simulation. <\/span><\/p>\n

James\u2019 loneliness eventually revealed itself. He was in his 40s, living in a conservative town with a couple of pets, and people assumed he was gay. He even showed me an Instagram picture of him and his Turbo Kick class\u2014he was the instructor at the 24 Hour Fitness and the only guy in a classroom full of ladies. <\/span><\/p>\n

After the museum, we sat on a bench in the rose garden. I started to feel weird again\u2014there were no placards about outer space to distract ourselves with. \u201cSo what it\u2019s like to live in West Hollywood?\u201d James asks. Oh, right<\/em>. The lie<\/em>. <\/span><\/p>\n

I quickly changed the subject. \u201cSo have you done this Rent a Friend thing before?\u201d<\/span>
\n\u201cYup. Just once. She was really young, like 22 or something. And it just felt awkward. But this time around it didn\u2019t feel weird at all.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Here was a human who worked hard for his money, just like everyone else. The only difference was that he was lonely and willing to put himself out there.<\/p>\n

After a late lunch at Chick-fil-A, we talked about our family. How we were both raised by single moms. And how he keeps cat food in the trunk of his car in case he stumbles across some strays. <\/span><\/p>\n

We walked toward the direction of the museum. \u201cWell, I guess it\u2019s time for me to head back to Bakersfield.\u201d He pulled out his wallet. \u201cI had such a nice time, and don\u2019t want disagreement over payment to get in the way of that,\u201d he said. \u201cSince this was closer to three hours than two, here\u2019s $120.\u201d He counted out some $20 bills\u00a0and handed me the cash. <\/span><\/p>\n

I tensed up. The \u201cRent a Friend\u201d gig thing started to feel too real. Here was a human who worked hard for his money, just like everyone else. The only difference was that he was lonely\u00a0and willing to put himself out there. \u201cYou know what?\u201d I said. \u201cIt\u2019s cool. I\u2019ll just charge for two hours,\u201d and handed him back 40 bucks.<\/span><\/p>\n

He walked me to the train stop and asked if we could take a photo together. Also he asked if could follow me on Instagram. This was something I wasn\u2019t too keen on, but how could I say no? <\/span><\/p>\n

Taking a photo together was a way for James to make our friendship \u201creal\u201d when it wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Giving James a discount was a mistake. It signified authenticity, that maybe I was interested in a friendship that extended beyond our professional agreement. I also crossed certain professional friend boundaries I shouldn\u2019t have. Taking a photo together was a way for James to make our friendship \u201creal\u201d when it wasn\u2019t. <\/span><\/p>\n

Authenticity is what we all crave in our relationships\u2014and the very thing that makes commodifying that interaction so difficult. Take sex work, for example. It may seem that men just want an erotic experience, but, for many, an authentic connection\u2014or at least the illusion of one\u2014is what makes them keep returning for more. Perhaps the sex worker offers to cuddle afterward, or asks the man personal questions about work or family. It\u2019s all part of the job: to create a more intimate, authentic experience for the client. <\/span><\/p>\n

But at some point, a job ends and the relationship, though seemingly real, must end with it. Because outside of that money, the relationship doesn\u2019t exist at all. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t realize that you had dimples, and how cute you were.<\/p>\n

The following Monday, I received a text from James.\u00a0\u201cOur meetup made my weekend, and I was wondering if you would like to hop on a phone call later this week?\u201d It was followed by, \u201cI didn\u2019t realize that you had dimples, and how cute you were.\u201d<\/p>\n

The paid experience was over and now James was crossing the personal line. This time, I ended it for good. It was harsh, but I didn\u2019t want to keep giving him the wrong impression. \u201cI\u2019m really sorry, but I realized this \u2018Rent a Friend\u2019 thing isn\u2019t for me,\u201d I texted back. <\/span><\/p>\n

After a pause, he responded, \u201cI see. Thanks for letting me know.\u201d I could see the sad look in his eyes as he sat alone in his house in the mountains, surrounded by his birds and cats. <\/span><\/p>\n

It reminds me of being a magician; they use theatrics and sleight of hand to direct your attention to only what they want you to see.<\/p>\n

So much of our working lives is quantified, calculated, and negotiated in a formal way. While there is an element of reciprocity in any relationship, friendships, to me, are a way to give freely. There are only so many pockets of time and space I allow myself to squander, and friendship occupies one of them.<\/p>\n

When you add money to a friendship, it changes the whole dynamic. Suddenly, your personality\u2014perhaps the purest part of a friendship\u2014is your service. <\/span>And when you put a price tag on that, the boundaries are\u00a0fuzzy.\u00a0You have to be authentic, but not too real, part who you actually are and part who your rentee wants you to be. The lines between these parts of yourself are up to you to negotiate, which, in my case, was beyond exhausting.\u00a0<\/p>\n

For me, being a professional friend was like manipulating a bunch of constantly shifting mirrors.\u00a0What parts of you can be offered, and which parts\u00a0should be deemed sacred (and when)? It takes a true performance. In a lot of ways, it reminds me of being a magician;\u00a0they use\u00a0theatrics and sleight of hand to direct your attention to only what they\u00a0<\/span>want\u00a0you to see. And you\u2019re so enchanted by the illusion of what might be real and true, you hear the words coming out of your mouth: \u201cWhat else you got? I want to see more.\u201d
\n <\/span>
\n
\n The strangest, saddest job in the new gig economy
\n <\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I like making friends in unusual ways. I once made a friend in college by approaching him at the dining hall and asking him what he thought about color. A coworker and I bonded in the break room over the fact that we both had the same shade of purple socks. I\u2019ve made friends with…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1204","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1204","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1204"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1204\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1204"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1204"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/googmn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1204"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}